Simply put, you are beautiful. How could a girl ask for more? RED, Dirty Red. A title from long ago.

I call you Yellow.

Yellow, the only color that brings exceeding Joy to this homely soul of mine. I still love you. You are my first love. For you I live; new life.

In your honor, I will say the words that are needed to heal all wounds. Materializing in women and girls from lashes undeserved. The ones who are afraid to utter what is true.

I will speak out for you.

In the dark rooms. I will shine my ru’aah’s light. I will be free. I will be Me.

Yellow.

How could I not shine? Abba made you my ‘Êm(Aim). My Mama. My voice of understanding. Cut from a cloth produced no more. He designated you for greatness and Greatness you are.

Yellow.

In a league of your own. You stand boldly. A mastermind you are to me. You are the breaker of codes. You are the sower of my passion for puzzles planted in mental trenches so deep.

Through you, I have ingested the most complex solutions one could seek to find. You showed me how to love the motion that words display. You taught me to look and quickly find.

I have gladly learned to interpret the languages that numbers often speak. You have encouraged your pretty little girl. You made me feel free. You’ve encouraged my courage. To be Me.

You have given me a gift of mystifying proportions. Not much goes unknown by me. I can see. A gift shared by we three. My soul is deeply engulfed in deviation.

It vibrates Yellow to me.

Todah, for hauling so much torment. While looking so fine. For having all my babies and exuding pure grind. With ease.

You shine Yellow.

Even when they spat on your name. To call you, “Mother”. I was eagerly pleased. Your voice is heard when I speak. Your encouragement urged me to be free. Even though they envy me.

Because they see Yellow.

Todah rabah, for teaching me to always sing. To always lift Abba YAH on high. To never step out on the word. To always follow Yahawasha’. To Shema to the Ruach Ha Quodesh. And TO BE FREE. TO BE ME.

Yellow.

So now I sing. I teach. I lead. I seek. I pray. I conquer. I am strong. Ms. Smith made me this way. They knew it all along.

We were Yellow.

Now I understand that I’m beautiful. Because of you I can see. I’m on a mission to save my people. I’m fighting to teach family. I was on a search for the truth you see?!

Yah said it would set me free. So HIS will I started to seek. Without you I would have never had the proficiency. To even walk this effective journey. I thank Abba Yah for you Sweet Lady. For your role in my story. I’ll tell.

From the front yard cinema barbeques to sheer feelings royal. Spotlight casting birthday parties in beautifully elegant gowns. To the most informative sleep overs. With so much more than just laughs.

We listened. We were warned. We learned about life. We were shamelessly informed. We had fun. And you gave us that.

We were free. To be young ladies. We learned innocently. You have guided us toward higher roads. You did not allow the world to swallow us remorselessly. You have raised lovely ladies.

We shine Yellow inherently.

Before, I saw you. I saw your crying shame. I made due with vengeance and nightmares. Accompanied by worrisome days. Inside of my tiny heart. I sowed seeds of confused rage. For the times that they had ravaged you; My Priceless Work Of Art. The curses they wear run past pain.

Black bruised you Yellow.

I loved you. I saw her change. I saw Yellow hide in Red. A magnetic being crouched behind that bruised ru’aah and a swollen smile. Todah YAH for your brighter days! I’m amazed at your inner lights power.

Yellow you shine indefinitely.

You have spared me the vexation; of offering me to the streets. Your naive simple child. Oh so green. Missing so much. Yet, filled with so much grace. In a world not built on love.

See Yellow? Love edifys me.

You have rewarded me. With the prescription that I would need. To see Yahawasha’. He is Truth and He will set Me free. You can definately trust me. This is not a lie.

I know one day soon, Abba’s will, you and all others will see. How Kardayah was blessed by ABBA YAH to have Yellow, imbibed in her being.

How she so vibrantly nurtured Kardayah’s little soul. Teaching Kardayah to be free. How her passion for black sparked life for Kardayah. Oh, just wait and you’ll see.

Your little song bird with country bare feet. Will stomp out devilish defeat. Enemies lie humbled at my foot stool. At my table they’ll want to be. I know your dream. And I got you. You can trust me. It is all going to be free.

Free. Yellow.

Your payment; provided by our ABBA. For faithfully anointing me. Therefore allowing me to stay free. You stayed proud of your baby. You are a supporting factor. Not just the dreamer of dreams.

You poured more yellow into me.

Yellow, I love you. With dainty flurries of warm feelings. They congregate in my chest happily. I think they love you too.

Yellow, I’ve wished lots of things for you. I have weeped wanting so much for you.

Freedom to pursue.

I pray that one day you will too be healed. To facilely live. To yet learn. How to be free. For YAH’S glory.

Free Yellow.

Up until today, I have been trying to figure out why The Most High put this phrase into my spirit. Now that I have been shown. I am extremely glad that HE did.

Maybe there was an immense struggle for understanding; because I did not have a clue of the fact that I was lost. In so many ways, this fact has proven to be true.

I was wrong, out of line, pissed off, dilapidated and doing my own thing. YAH was always present though. I was kicking and screaming trying to hold on to what I thought was me being free. I didn’t want the rules to tie me down. I had just started to live. Graduating was life changing for me. I could do my own thing; be it as it may good or bad.

I was grown Period.

Yah knows that I have made so many mistakes. Still though, I was always a sweet girl, caring, and loved to help. Don’t get me wrong though, if I felt like it, I would be quick to jump on you. (This is what landed me in a bed at Evans Memorial Hospital with 32 staples stretching the length of my left tricep. Along with about 30 not so sexy stitches from the right side of my nose to the middle of my right ear.) Strangely enough I didn’t do anything to provoke this fight. Except, embarrass someone verbally. Being the one not beat was cool. Until, I took a box cutter as my reward.

It was YAH’s grace that saved my eye, ear, veins, and arm. I was foolishishly sinful, and YAH slowed me to a screeching halt. Homecoming Queen, Prom Queen, Super Slugger award, and softball scholarship; I left it all behind.

My face, my award winning catching and batting arm; split open. Much like those slow ripping lashes adorned with Massa’s hatred. But for what? She scarred my Me for 10 whole years. All that I thought I was. I could find no more.

Nostalgic memories remind me that I have always loved deeper than the average person. I always asked what was. From as far back as I can remember, maybe about the age of one or two. I have loved and understood much about love. Along with the things it can do. I just wish that my childish patience would’ve been in tuned with the Ru’aah.

So I watched and did my best to absorb facts and truth. This behavior profoundly fastened me to things. Teaching me that to know, is to love; is much more than true.

With growing up came heartache, degradation, scandel, rape, neglect, assault, and even a few acts of whoredom. Which ended up embedded deeply some place inside of me. I had no clue. There is where my lawlessness was known and grew.

I was lost. I was wrong. I needed someone to find me. Eye needed to find me.

Strangly, Facebook 2014 invoked an interesting overture in my life. Initially, there was a friend request. Being freshly uninvolved; but single none the less. I responded. Therefore, unearthing the proem of the most superlative dialogue that I had ever had with a man.

I met my now husband, and He introduced to me what is,”Truth”. This Truth led me to where I had come from. It led me to the Scriptures. Presenting the Hebrew origins of me. We became best friends.

Whenever my phone was ringing it was Him. Just because. Thankfully distance forced us to be friends. YAH set boundaries for us. HalleluYah! Todah YAH!

Little did I know that we were on the same journey. ABBA had sent Him to find me. My Adon.

Me knowing this now. My mind is instantly transported to a few years ago; back home. My last time sitting on the porch of the only best friend that I had ever had. Sharing with my brother from the bottle of E&J in hand; blunt in rotation.

At one point, I couldn’t help questioning, for what may have been the 5th time; if my current relationship was for me.

I prayed, “GOD(YAH), “Is this relationship for me?”.

YAH knew that I yearned to marry a man who would first be my best friend. (The idea arose from the movie “No Strings Attached”.) Someone made only for me ordained by HIM.

YAH’s answer was SO clear and quick; might I add. Yet, I reluctantly lingered a while longer. I think that it was because I was tired of attempting to be freed. This insane pattern of disobedient cognitive dissonance; was almost the end of me. Therefore, the whole of 2015 held lots of degrading drunken heartache for me.

I had hit rock bottom, and my real best friend was no longer associating with me. (I got back with my ex. So He cut ties with me. To not hinder mine and my ex’s already dead series of interactions.)

I found myself living in a motel room in my hometown. Drinking my life away. I started school again. Had to quit. My love life was in shambles and it had become excruciatingly toxic for me. Not that I was a drunk, but I was well on my way there.

I remember sitting on the bed praying at my lowest. A bottle of cheap gin, impregnated with marinated blue jolly ranchers gripped tight.

“Lord(Master) Jesus(Yahawasha’), why am I here? Who am I?”, I wept.

“There has to be something better for me.”, I spoke in complete despair.

I don’t want to do this anymooore.”, I cried kicking my feet; slapping the bed. I sat slumped sulking and bawling into my hands.

I cried y’all and no one was there but YAHAWAH WA YAHAWASHA’ and THE RUACH HAQODESH.

“You just take over.”, I spoke allowed.

I could no longer bridle my tears that had manifested from an over-growth of nothingness.

I spoke to YAH, “My hands are off of my life. I am tired of going through these things. Please help me. Please just take it all away. I’m sooooo sorry. I will do better. I just want to be right.”

Finally my heart was emptied. My voice was heard. I went through the biggest change of my life in that room that day. It was hard facing the fact that, I was the once resigning champ. Shamed and brought low in my city on the forefront forall to hear and see. I was also, seemingly stuck here with this man and he didn’t even want me.

Truthfully, I’d known this for two years at least. I just couldn’t help being always a slave to my past. A mistake that almost cost me my life.

I was ignorant to the fact that in that motel room; YAH had nudged me onto the path to being found. I didn’t realize that HE had already introduced my deliverance to me. In more ways than one.

YAH had someone whom I needed to get to know and someone whom I needed to formally meet.

Thanks for listening y’all. There’s more to come. I pray that you indulge, learn, and vibe with We.

KARDAYAH’S Soul© 2018

Enjoy even more Grace.

Feel free to buy me a cup of tea. Todah for all of the already donated blessings. CASHTAG: $KARDAYAH3205