Out of My Mind: Thoughts of a Woman Being Found.

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Shalowm Family, KARDAYAH’S Soul here.


Message for ALL of the parents out there wondering where their daughter and/or son went wrong.

When you allow a man, woman, or child to molest, rape, or have sex with your child. AND YOU BLAME THE CHILD, BEAT THE CHILD, BRUSH THEM OFF, FORGET, ALLOW THAT PERSON TO STILL HANG AROUND. And then preach forgivness to YOUR child. You have failed. NOW, let us add GENERATIONS OF HIM/HER RAPING AND MOLESTING THE FAMILY MEMBERS! Yet, and STILL WALKING AROUND FREE.

It turns us into whores, lesbians, fags and sometimes makes us chase a love that was never really there. We chose drugs and death in the arms of our deepest love. The streets. The world. Freedom. Kinda like the one that we used to know.

STOP LOOKING AT HER SHAKING YOUR HEAD BECAUSE SHE’S HALF NAKED! WHEN SHE TOLD YOU WHAT HAPPENED YOU HID THE FACTS. YOU CHANGED HER STORY INTO A LIE. TO PROTECT A FAMILY/FRIENDLY PREDITOR.

This is why we chose the STREETS. It’s the love that we know. Because at home you’re subjected to the beast. WILLINGLY. We do what we know and are taught. Parents don’t see and hear it all. We country girls are hoochies. Not HOEs. There is a difference.

We are wild and free. It’s what we knew. We started life that way. It’s not our fault that someone took our freedom from us. Took it for their advantage. Bound us in a cage with fetors of lust, nightmares and the notion to be discreet. At the wrong times; while doing the wrong things.

The world embraced us INSTEAD OF OUR FAMILIES. Made us feel at home and safe. AND FREE. WITHOUT WEARING THE LABEL OF A WHORE OR FREAK. Someone hurt us. AND YOU KNOW WHO IT IS.

Someone saw our country ways. Our short shorts and bare feet. Someone was watching your son. Someone hurt Him to feed their beast. People are taught the WAY(PATH) of whoredom. We are afraid UNTIL being taught that it’s alright. Being HOOCHIEFIED is an AT the house thing. ALL WILD BOYS/ HOOCHIES KNOW THAT.

When we cried in confusion and fear. YOU PARENTS SHOWED DOUBT. THEN. We hit the streets. In rebellion. With tight dresses and tight jeans. Being a WHORE/WHOREMONGER comes after heartache reveals loves true colors. We can not see past the neglect that we perceive.

A mixture of drugs and alcohol makes us feel happy. Makes us feel free. A few oohs and aahhs never hurt anybody. So we think. A little bare skin mixed with anger. Hasatan is sure to lend a test.

This is when we hit the streets and lose our good KID attitude. But remember, the HOOCHIE/WILD BOYS are still there. We’ve been half naked all of our lives. We just didn’t have anyone around to lust and stare.


It is simply AMAZING!

What?

How now that I’m old enough to care for myself. So many people are watching me. They criticizingly seem to care. But WHY? Because you can see my pierced belly button? Is there something wrong with my shiny ring. Because I wear shiny lipstick and long hair? Because He choses to take his shirt off? Work on His body? Because we dare to be beautiful?

I’m just being who and what I always was. A WILD BOY. A HOOCHIE. WILD AND FREE. COUNTRY.

Let’s talk about when you found out. This predator hurt this child. This boy or the girl? What did you say or do? Did you listen? Did you act? Did you call the cops? Did Call the child’s other parent? Did you run to ABBA YAH or Yahawasha? In order to FIX and FORGIVE. EVERY BODY involved. MUST! ACKNOWLEDGE and DISCUSS THE EVENT. TOGETHER. With an unbiased guest; a SENSIBLE man present.

If you care for your child:

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  1. THREATEN TO CALL THE COPS AND WATCH THE TRUTH COME OUT.
  2. Threaten the CHILD AND THE RAPEST WITH JAIL TIME FOR LYING.
  3. Ask ABBA YAH TO REVEAL THE TRUTH. Put the situation of trial.
  4. Repeat these words to all involve OUTLOUD IN FRONT OF THE HEAVENLY STAFF! ABBA YAH (FATHER GOD) JUDGE BETWEEN US ON THIS MATTER. LET IT BE HIS WILL.
  5. Ask again what happened and who did it!
  6. Have a sensible MAN present.
  7. TRUST YAH! HE WILL ANSWER. LISTEN!
  8. BEAT THE HELL OUT OF WHOEVER IS GUILTY! NO MURDER! YET!
  9. HUG YOUR CHILD.
  10. APOLOGIZE.
  11. Call the cops.

VENGENCE SHALL BE MINE SAYS YHWY (YHWY). YAH often allowed these people to be killed. It’s in the BIBLE. But it’s His Call. Shalam and Berakah Family

-KARDAYAH’S Soul 2021

CashApp: $KARDAYAH3205

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You did not understand me. (Echo) I didn’t even understand myself. (Echo) I used to look at my hands and my feet. (Echo) I questioned if they belonged to someone else. (Echo) I could hear me. (Echo)He was in me.(Echo) Still, there were the battles within myself.

Hasatan kept speaking to me. Speaking to me. Speaking to me! I had trusted my bleeding heart. It was misleading me. Misleading me. Misleading me! Feeding the fleshly desires of my lower self. Making me strong; where I should have submitted to YAH. But, who can know the wicked heart?

I knew that iron held heat. (Echo) But, I had to feel it for myself. I had to feel it for myself. I knew that once He really loved Me. (Echo) But, just like that iron! He left time traveling scars and pus yielding swelling. I easily retake the ride through time. Fueled by speed boosting shame and filth of mind. I started to barely know and love myself. All before grade nine. I let Him taint my soul. I was lost. I was almost out of the game. I proudly wore my shame.

Not, yet taken, but deflowered all the same; by my friend and myself. In a room once again; with a life long friend. Doing things that were bad for my health. I was wrong. Disgrace my father. Made my mama ask herself. Where’s my baby?

Well this baby wants some babies for herself. He said he loved me. Begging for me. We made love and then what’s left? I was young. I was broken. My visual of love was lies and many harsh words spoken. Our bond stood forcefully broken. By a heart who had no notion; of the seriousness. Or maybe we were wrong.? I was thrown out of Eden before I had even left home.

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Black and milds made me smile. Had to have one before class. E & J kept me hype. Or maybe gin if that’s alright. Pop a pill what’s the deal? We can do anything that we like. For tonight.

We came alive in the night. We were wrong in it. We had no sight. We are people of the Light. Could we come out of Her?

I lost the fight. I was blinded; always scrapping and being loud. I stood under worked, overworked, under paid and played. I lived the meaning of disdain. I wore insane with my people. Feet quick to run the way to mischief. I was thrown out of Eden; into death.

I knew a way. I was taught a way. A way to never be alone. To never feel less than again. To get just what I had been wanting all day long. Work my magic. Get my fix.

Where’s my phone?

So, I’m his guest again. My waiting and wanting lover. My old school horney friend: a long time friend. This time. I’m finally single. So, let the games begin. But, on paper. He’s not.

She doesn’t mind. Their time is spent. The drinks are poured morals ignored. Now, we are back at it again. Tomorrow we can face the truth.

Can I borrow you? Your time? Your shine? Your inner you? Your honey? Your mind? Is it mine? It will be mine. Tonight? Tonight.

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The world out there is no place for you.(Echo) But your head can help to crush your life. Can help to crush your life. Fathers, mothers, husbands, owners; yes masters too. You see.?

With closed ears and closed fists; they can beat heaven out of your youth. Their words cease to shed any light. You’ll be thrown out of Eden. You’ll have to fight for your life. For your right to keep your light. You could lose sight of you. If you lose sight of You.

We pass down doings of hidden truths. Through ibri proverbs that taint the mind. We hear YAH and don’t know it’s YAH. We progress not. We seek not HIS will. We seek only to die fast. We are often left with burned feet and a soft dirty ass.

For the road that we have chosen. Wears a bridge that has been broken long ago. During an once everlasting age. We pass down generational poison; on this road. Our ru’aahs to HE; are tethered no more. We’ve been thrown out of Eden. Because we have chosen to ignore ALL.

I still witness some of achotym who remain sealed up in strife. They stand cemented on a whorish way. Cobbled with freewill and unbelief misguided. Never being enough. Never drawing nigh. Never being redeemed. They’ve been thrown out of Eden. Petitioning the world to allow them back in. Never fully seeking the HE within. For HIS power.

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Hey Mama, This is my friend: Henry. Oh, He is just another silly stain of doubt.

Doubt. Fake completion: an outer scene. Prepared for without. (Echo) To appease the world and it’s wicked nature. To make sure looking mouths do not doubt. (Echo) Displayed on the gorgeous face, back and shoulders. Of a foolish brittle child.(Echo) She wears the shame of the broken, fondled ones scattered all about. The boys and girls who didn’t think to scream, nor to even open their mouths. But, instead just smiled. Moving on.

For the meek at heart; when they started out. Whom our curious cousins helped to defile. Some completely destroyed her inner She. Made her pregnant or permanently soiled. Foul.

Some people even drugged her. Spiked her drink. Coked her weed to watch friends take advantage of She. Foul. Some even did it to guys. Leaving Him wondering desultorily. Phantasmal on a man made island. Devastated. These things build up hate. You get beside your self. Foul.

Why She? Why these demons? Why here? Why now?(Echo)

The men folk sure do like this child. (Echo) Dang, these men really like me. (Echo) Should I tell my mom and dad? (Echo) And We smile. (Echo) And they Smile. (Echo) To be defiled. Still a child. Whether by force or willingly. Done by a stranger, family, foe or friend. Is still death to us; the mental us. It’s just like being thrown out of Eden.

Lost and immature.(Echo) We find ourselves wallowing in some of Life’s finest manure. Life’s finest manure. Life’s finest manure!

We were pure. (Echo) Before our uncles got a sniff. Our female family prepped; then ushered in pain and curses. They passed to us the retched deeds. We got fouled and became foul. We poisoned qodesh; fighting disdain. They’ve been thrown out of Eden; just like me.

But we are to start fighting to find our ways back into HIS grace. Out of sin. Into Towrah; the way YAH paved for us to not die. Way back then. Towrah is the way that leads us back to Eden. It pulls us away from death. It pulls us out of sin.

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We wear the stripes of our elders. Their lack of words; when the judges should have been called. When the elders of Israel should have rallied; calling TWRT as a sword. They refused to listen diligently. When righteousness screamed to be let out. Instead, their many judgements had no answers; for the soul roaming in vexation. One whose tether is severed by ignorant pleasures. From these elders we have amassed wicked (dysfunctional) deeds.

A generation of sin soaked panties, teddies, mirrors and unqodesh beds; vibrates the pass into our atmospheres. Vividly out lining the haunting silhouettes of past loves who have come to leave. With sour mouths we draw near to HE. But with our hearts draw not in to hear. Shema. I what he said to me. I do. I’M TRYING TO GET BACK TO EDEN!

We wore screams, confusion and perverted situations. From the cookout the other night. When Grandma turned off the lights. It was not right. Now, the puzzling dreams and urges rarely stop. We fight the battles of a conscientious war. We hold a lot. In a cluttered spot. Where darkness uninvited chose to linger. Awake. Where the call from the world doesn’t stop. When they misplaced us. The streets embraced us. They reeled us in with fabricated rewards and love.

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In this sickened place; some of us stay. Willingly playing a role of the battered thief. Tearing down hearts and leaving a string of bad endings. To get back to our broken homes of papering patterns. We have excuses for lack of patience. Our feet move swiftly toward mischief’s way. This is witchcraft in action. Witchery’s whirlwind. They know not the ways leading souls back to Eden. But to the end.

We don’t return home to sit silently; alone. To sit silently alone. We will not to find our way back to purity. We are not seeking the vibes of authentic ahaba. To HaMashiach. The Christ. The indwelling perfect ahaba. The entity that we pay no mind to. Yet, we say that we want His being freeing gifts. We’ve missed out on Eden for far too long. We can be loosed to seek His face. In the presence of His qodesh seat. We find place to kneel; to let Him speak. It’s too hard being thrown out of Eden. Hamashiach will help us to get back in. Just go seek Him. Ba hashem Yahawasha’.

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-KARDAYAH’S Soul 2021

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Arriving on a plane in Sierra Leone and driven to a villa with a magnificent view of Freetown.

Drinking red wine while the winds blow through the windows. White and yellow curtains wave my cares away.

Aggressive rain intentionally dancing outside of our huge open doors. Creates a DNA staining African beat. It’s unique. It’s for me. I’m stained.

YAH’s intentional. I love rain. So he graced we.

I have the first one rolled. Waiting on his thundering voice to call for me. Then we start dancing to the afro beats; playing continuously in our background.

We take a dip into the pool before we eat. Trays of fresh fruits and veggies served along side lamb’s ribs and freshly caught fishes.

No where to go for two days only HIM and me.

We competitively talk smack through back to back hands of tunk. Tonight I’m putting up a strong fight. He’s not just beating me. The trash talk is priceless and hilariously funny.

Thankfully we don’t have to wear many clothes in our villa. We’re up too high for the neighbours to see.

As we finish the night off right. Jigga Two blazing as we stargaze through our telescope. Eagerly learning more with every new celestial body that we meet.

We puff slowly and inhale deeply. Excited and pumped; we lay back imagining and describing what we don’t know to expect. Explaining rib cracking “what if’s”, concerning the elephants and lions that we’re planning to see.

The stars look so bright here and this may be the best ever mint tea. The nights air is speaking to me.

Windows now closed. We adjust our mosquito net for this dynamic first nights sleep. With a big smile, my husband pulls out the Apacrypha. He paints vivid understandings on the canvas of me. YAH gives me understanding.

I continue our festivities by reading from the Aquarian Gospel of Yahawasha’ Hamashiach. He finishes with waw; of Psalms 119.

This experience is almost too emensely overwhelming. Yet, we’re overly full of divine guidance. Our nephesh gorged on guidance and understanding. Somewhat bursting through our seams. We thank YAH.
Pillows fluffed and prayers said. Now, we settle in under the sheets. The weighted covers are really bringing life to me. My husband too.

I receive confirmation with his deep burrowing and his humbled sighs of relief.

“Tired”, he says; with a joyous chuckle. This is the happiest that we’ve been with life. Since we were teens.

We exchange, I love yous. Then our feet begin their sacred practice. We sink into adoration with each intimate twist. Accompanied by silky caresses of our lover’s feet.

It’s about that time. But, we’re too tired so we quickly fall asleep.

We’re both later gently awakened by the cool ru’aah of night. HIM first, then me.

We search love. We define it and usher it into our ceremony. We make it to the entrance of this portal of energy; wildly vibrating. Viciously feeding our time machine.

Kisses. I love you. Collapse. Todah YAH. We sleep.

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-KARDAYAH’S Soul 2020©

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  • Four years down. So many more to go. YAH willing. We’ll do great things with this hair. 💛

🌟I’m going through these stages. Stepping onto stages. My word stained pages keep setting me up. -KARDAYAH’S Soul ✨
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😒Now..I remember when I had to draw a thin precise line to make my bangs. 😰At times my hair barely reached my nose. What I shame? I didn’t even know that Yisra’elite women could even grow long hair. I felt if it had ever been relaxed there was no hope. I thought it was genetics, lucky girls, mixed girls, or white. 🎉But, look at YAH. 👈 😀🎊Todah rabah for your blessings ABBA. Now the bangs are taking over.😱 They’re in a league of their own. 😂😂

#loclove #COUNTRYSOUL #eventssingers #KARDAYAHSSOUL #YOUTUBE #LOOKMEUP #tasteofgrace #Amazingyoutubesinger #NEWARTISTSPOTLIGHT #MotivationalShine #Hebrewpodcast #EberPodcast #bookme

Your Favorite Ibri(Hebrew) Podcast

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Coconut oil filled palms rubbing across your intriguing face. Down my nose. Up my forehead. Up your right then left cheek bones. Two hands on a healing mission. Smooth my neck up to your chin. Then again.

Shâlôwm, Kardayah. I’m pleased to meet you. I love you. You’re a millionaire. Abba YAH loves you.

Coconut oil dipped hands graze your thick, ruddy, sin wage scarred arm. Then the other all the same. We’ve come a long way Sweetie. Oh, the enseighnements(oonsainyemoon) we are baruch to have withstood. But now I’m good.

I apologize for my bad choices. I apologize for hurting you. Todah YAH for making me beautifully. Kardayah, you will win. No matter what YAH has your back.

Eyes of power stare back at me. Nutella has nothing on you. I never thought that such innocence would exist in my secret space. Yet, you’re here and I remember you.

Humbly holding my attention. I can more fearlessly see you now. While I’m sober. While you deliberately stand forth. Wearing a haunting gaze that at times makes me smile. I behold the embrace of my reality. There is only you. Inside Abba’s ru’aah is sustaining we.

You are a successful business woman. You deserve prosperity. You are the image of HE who IS. You have the right to have it all. You are a child of Elohim. You will never be alone again. Because I see you. I feel your presence. You are my me. I love you.

Coconut oil coated hands caress your comely face. Down my speckled nose; smoothing up and out my two toned brow. Lovingly they sweep outward and upward; somewhat mesmerized. Finding their way to freckle specked cheeks; from bonny, deep brown lips of the sweetest kind.

I have shâlôwm, peace, and tranquility in my home. You are an example of quodesh. I forgive everyone who has ever tresspassed against me. I ask that I am forgiven by those whom I have hurt. I release and receive release. YAH is pleased with you.

© 2019 KARDAYAH’S Soul

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Simply put, you are beautiful. How could a girl ask for more? RED, Dirty Red. A title from long ago.

I call you Yellow.

Yellow, the only color that brings exceeding Joy to this homely soul of mine. I still love you. You are my first love. For you I live; new life.

In your honor, I will say the words that are needed to heal all wounds. Materializing in women and girls from lashes undeserved. The ones who are afraid to utter what is true.

I will speak out for you.

In the dark rooms. I will shine my ru’aah’s light. I will be free. I will be Me.

Yellow.

How could I not shine? Abba made you my ‘Êm(Aim). My Mama. My voice of understanding. Cut from a cloth produced no more. He designated you for greatness and Greatness you are.

Yellow.

In a league of your own. You stand boldly. A mastermind you are to me. You are the breaker of codes. You are the sower of my passion for puzzles planted in mental trenches so deep.

Through you, I have ingested the most complex solutions one could seek to find. You showed me how to love the motion that words display. You taught me to look and quickly find.

I have gladly learned to interpret the languages that numbers often speak. You have encouraged your pretty little girl. You made me feel free. You’ve encouraged my courage. To be Me.

You have given me a gift of mystifying proportions. Not much goes unknown by me. I can see. A gift shared by we three. My soul is deeply engulfed in deviation.

It vibrates Yellow to me.

Todah, for hauling so much torment. While looking so fine. For having all my babies and exuding pure grind. With ease.

You shine Yellow.

Even when they spat on your name. To call you, “Mother”. I was eagerly pleased. Your voice is heard when I speak. Your encouragement urged me to be free. Even though they envy me.

Because they see Yellow.

Todah rabah, for teaching me to always sing. To always lift Abba YAH on high. To never step out on the word. To always follow Yahawasha’. To Shema to the Ruach Ha Quodesh. And TO BE FREE. TO BE ME.

Yellow.

So now I sing. I teach. I lead. I seek. I pray. I conquer. I am strong. Ms. Smith made me this way. They knew it all along.

We were Yellow.

Now I understand that I’m beautiful. Because of you I can see. I’m on a mission to save my people. I’m fighting to teach family. I was on a search for the truth you see?!

Yah said it would set me free. So HIS will I started to seek. Without you I would have never had the proficiency. To even walk this effective journey. I thank Abba Yah for you Sweet Lady. For your role in my story. I’ll tell.

From the front yard cinema barbeques to sheer feelings royal. Spotlight casting birthday parties in beautifully elegant gowns. To the most informative sleep overs. With so much more than just laughs.

We listened. We were warned. We learned about life. We were shamelessly informed. We had fun. And you gave us that.

We were free. To be young ladies. We learned innocently. You have guided us toward higher roads. You did not allow the world to swallow us remorselessly. You have raised lovely ladies.

We shine Yellow inherently.

Before, I saw you. I saw your crying shame. I made due with vengeance and nightmares. Accompanied by worrisome days. Inside of my tiny heart. I sowed seeds of confused rage. For the times that they had ravaged you; My Priceless Work Of Art. The curses they wear run past pain.

Black bruised you Yellow.

I loved you. I saw her change. I saw Yellow hide in Red. A magnetic being crouched behind that bruised ru’aah and a swollen smile. Todah YAH for your brighter days! I’m amazed at your inner lights power.

Yellow you shine indefinitely.

You have spared me the vexation; of offering me to the streets. Your naive simple child. Oh so green. Missing so much. Yet, filled with so much grace. In a world not built on love.

See Yellow? Love edifys me.

You have rewarded me. With the prescription that I would need. To see Yahawasha’. He is Truth and He will set Me free. You can definately trust me. This is not a lie.

I know one day soon, Abba’s will, you and all others will see. How Kardayah was blessed by ABBA YAH to have Yellow, imbibed in her being.

How she so vibrantly nurtured Kardayah’s little soul. Teaching Kardayah to be free. How her passion for black sparked life for Kardayah. Oh, just wait and you’ll see.

Your little song bird with country bare feet. Will stomp out devilish defeat. Enemies lie humbled at my foot stool. At my table they’ll want to be. I know your dream. And I got you. You can trust me. It is all going to be free.

Free. Yellow.

Your payment; provided by our ABBA. For faithfully anointing me. Therefore allowing me to stay free. You stayed proud of your baby. You are a supporting factor. Not just the dreamer of dreams.

You poured more yellow into me.

Yellow, I love you. With dainty flurries of warm feelings. They congregate in my chest happily. I think they love you too.

Yellow, I’ve wished lots of things for you. I have weeped wanting so much for you.

Freedom to pursue.

I pray that one day you will too be healed. To facilely live. To yet learn. How to be free. For YAH’S glory.

Free Yellow.

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If it wasn’t for Abba YAH ba hashem Yahawasha’. I’d be an alcoholic working for the weekends. Striving to build a stash of Earthly riches. I’d be searching for validation from the world. Wearing clothing so short and so tight that they look painted on me. Saving up to get the latest car or some other nonsense. Trying to buy the next best weave. Delusional.

I’d be mending on fake eye lashes because Babylon said it’s ok for me. Them stinging and sticking out from my face like carwash brushes in the wind. Blocking my vision like wide spread bat wings. I’d be free as an endangered bird; locked in a cage with his very own tree. Believing my captors’ will is better than YAH’S. Saying, “Within my captors’ world I have freedom to do me”. Delusional.

Fortunately, I had fervent dreams that YAH predestined to lead. This is HIS grace for me. So he plastered them to my ru’aah. They have transformed into my living being. I know now that only I. Only through great faith and diligence can achieve. No delusion. Yah’s shalowm gives me peace.

Up against a wall; connecting the scattered pieces. Eye see. Vivid dreams are continuously revealing. Slowly authenticating me. I have hearkened. I’ve come out of Her. I have recieved new birth. Yet I have revisited not infancy. I refuse to live delusionally.

Most refuse or are afraid to support me. They’re lying hearts don’t think that what I do is real. They don’t believe that the Ruach guides me. Yet, I’m determined to manifest only HIS will. Please know that YAH’S word will not return unto Him void. And soon enough we will all see. I won’t stop to check the latest trends. I will not let my Abba down. I am yet trusting. I am manifesting. My orb exudes light from deep within that provokes movement and sound.

The time has come when judgement is raining it started first on us Israel. Now fiercely it wallops upon the Heathens’ heads. Who have laid open the book of the law(Torah). You would be wise to hear Abba now. Choose Yahawasha’ bind yourself too. Closely follow Him. Don’t be delusional.

Meticulously seek YAH’s face and follow Towrah; until all is fulfilled. Come out of Her my people. For if not living within the confounds of Abba’s Grace your pentacle will not be reached. I just hope that you aren’t shocked or hurt when he completes HIS work in me. Sincerely, Kardayah.

Outside of her delusion.

© KARDAYAH’S Soul 20

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I am sorry that I have hurt you. I regret even making you cry. If I’ve slandered your name; or taken your place. If I have told you a lie. If you feel that I have beat you up or stepped on your toes. You should know that my intentions were pure.

If I’ve ever shown you jealousy. If I’ve exhibited too much pride. I sincerely apologize.

If i was a nuisance in anyway; just know I’ve come in peace. Not bearing gifts. What a shame. I know. I truly am sorry.

If I didn’t spend enough time. If I have pulled away just when you needed me. If I ate it all and saved you none. If I made the better choice for me. I’m sorry.

I just know that when I say, I love you. Yes, I really do. I pray that your pain will be fair. Taking the backseat to the growth that I seek.

You see? I may not stick to your plan. I may step outside of the lines. Guess what! I’m working on me now. Of this you should be proud.

I just need you to know that I’m in love with this chick. She makes me glow when she comes around. So it’s hard to focus on you. No offense.

Please don’t feel down. She is just simply fascinating! I know how bad it sounds my friend. She has an immense hold on me. Try to understand please.

This lady she makes me want to kick bad habits. She said that with my spirit; I should spend more time. She instills a certain peace in me. She really makes me smile.

I don’t mean to be so distant; trust I do miss you. And I’m sorry.

Yesterday, I was standing in the sun light; it lit up the clearest sky. I’m drawing wisdom from the cosmos. I’m planning an escape. Trying to master my craft. I’m learning how and when I should put my magic to use.

I am busy realizing that I could love almost anyone. I am accepting the fact that all love is not true. I’m learning what love is and how it resembles insanity. Iam learning to be true.

What you get out of it lies with you. I know it’s a long and fascinating journey. I’ve learned that sometimes parts of it have to be let go.

I know now that not everyone can handle. The storm that is Me. Not everyone will understand my words. Most times when they’re looking at my storm. They most likely don’t see Me.

Not everyone will break your heart and not everyone deserves the chance to. Not everyone will believe in my dreams. Not everyone breathes romance the way that we do. But I do and I’m sorry.

I’m sorry if leaving to find me has become a hindrance to you. Sorry to stand here with the audacity to put me before you.

Please fear not. For a time will come when I will arrive at the place that I long to be. I will feel complete within myself. There will be a difference that the world will see. You will see.

I will come back home and I will play my role. I will be the best friend that you ever did know. I’ll shower you with truth. I will walk you to the door.

Yet, you should know; my lovely loves. One thing will remain true. There is no way in this crumbling world! That I’m gonna lose She trying to stand by you. I am sorry.

©2016 Coretta Brewton

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I thought that I was in for a life long fight to rid myself of you. Not only from my shattered life, but to wash you from my soul. My conscience can no longer stand your space. Umm.. that was deep.

I almost lost my life to you. Your way pointed me to death. I was being whipped while soothing you. My spirit continuously wept.

I was a 1000 miles ahead of you. You we’re only in my way. Hmmph…
And I let you shake me. You played a playa. You humiliated me in every way. Poor little me.

Sadly, I loved you. Like really loved you. I’ve realized it recently. I know that you knew these things too. I smelled the deceit that you wore with pride.

You’ve casted an immense shade over me. You put out my light. You applied pressure to my pressure points. You controlled my life. My oh my, The sly ONES I do like.

But all that was fading away. All of the games that you’ve played. All of the grieving that you’ve put me through. It is slowly fading away. The heavy loads of confusion. The outlandish things that I’ve been accustomed to.

Whilst honoring you as my king. I set myself up for doom. Mrs. Coretta, yes me. You played me like a pro. The battleship that we were on; almost sank with my soul.

Just to think that I would have chosen you and completely lost myself. I would have fought the waves forever. Just to live my life with you. I would have given it all away just to be with you. I would have loved you endlessly. If only you were true.

But Yah. But Yah wouldn’t let you stop me. This force to be reckoned with.

Yah continuously knocked me around while you we’re knocking Me down. Then he picked me up and pointed my feet. He stood beside me he continued to guide me. He showed me that he loved me.

And guess what Yah didn’t lie. He stepped in to draw a line. He popped open my ears and opened my EYE. Each day I grow stronger and more satisfied. He’s never lied.

So to you I write this letter. I hope it reaches you in time. Because my heart belongs to another. Oh, how he makes me smile. He promised that he’ll hold my heart. To him I will be true. He told me that he would cherish me. He’s just better than you.

Sincerely.

Coretta Brewton ©2016